A client told me recently she has low self-esteem; she constantly feels “I’m not good enough”, “I could never do that”, “I wish I had more confidence”. This concept has developed over her entire life. She has been in a series of unhealthy relationships, is frequently belittled by her partner, and constantly tells herself “I suck, I’m not worth it.” This is something I hear a lot from women, all ages and all walks of life and it saddens me.
Self-confidence (or lack of) can have a huge impact on everyday life. It sometimes determines what you will and won’t do, affects the way you deal with adversity and can control how you find happiness and enjoyment.
When you value yourself and your particular skill sets, you’ll have better relationships, feel more equipped to handle challenges, be better able to manage your fears and doubts, and feel more motivated.
In short, your life improves in many ways when you build greater self-confidence. This is very closely linked with developing high self-esteem, since it also has a massive positive impact and the methods for improving it are similar. Although the two are slightly different from each other.
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall; how much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations from your past which have shaped how you view yourself today.
Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation. You may have healthy self-esteem, but low confidence in some situations.
When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in various areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. You can work on both at the same time.
Ideas for Improving Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence.
Here’s the thing!! There are a lot of suggestions and recommendations out there to improving self-esteem and self-confidence and one thing I have realised over the years is that a lot of these can be actioned and brought to reality through a properly organised and executed photo shoot. The initial enquiry (shall I, or shan’t I??), the asking of questions and investigating different scenarios followed by a consult (meet and greet), shopping spree and subsequent photo shoot complete with hair and makeup done to your taste. But wait!! There’s more!! There is you!! In your own album!! Or wall art which you have commissioned and had a personal investment in. Something tangible to bring back the memories and excitement of your own personal project at a particular time in your journey.
Some of these include (but are not limited to):
Don’t keep comparing yourself to others (very, very common among women. Women “compare” while men “compete” but that’s another blog!!). Stop it, don’t try to validate yourself through comparison.
Your perception of yourself matters , because if you have a bad relationship with your body you won’t be feeling confident in yourself. Get trim if you want to but be aware that you most likely don’t need to. Just make sure you get along with your body. Maybe try seeing yourself through somebody else’s eyes or ask them outright what it is they see!!! You might just surprise yourself.
Stay away from negativity and bring on the positivity. Maybe re-evaluate your inner circle, including friends and family. Maybe it’s time to seriously consider getting away from those individuals who put you down and shred your confidence. Even a temporary break can make a huge difference and help you make strides toward more self-confidence.
Begin a new project. Learning is a good thing as are new experiences, so invest some time in something new and exciting with tangible results to show what you have achieved.
Next time you talk yourself out of doing something challenging say ‘What the Hell’ and go do it anyway.
Do one thing each day that makes you smile (on the inside or on the outside).
Step outside of your comfort zone. Just a little to start with. That’s where all the good stuff happens.
Take yourself off auto-pilot – make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.
Fear is a way of letting you know that you’re about to stretch yourself and grow your confidence. That’s a good thing, so use it to take yourself forwards rather than run away.
Forget the pro’s and con’s – do something bold in the face of your challenges and fears.
Work on developing the skills you need to win at the things that matter to you. What can you practice that would radically improve your chances of winning?
Shy with new people? Not a problem, there’s nothing wrong with being shy and it doesn’t mean you’re not confident. Just don’t overthink it or start beating yourself up about it. Make steps to step outside of your comfort zone and interact with others. Start with just one new acquaintance. Just one!!!
Write yourself a list of the amazing things you’d love to do in your life and make a start by simply looking into the first one or two things that leap out at you. Photo shoot anyone???
Don’t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or being validated by someone else. Find your inherent value first and build on that.
Make a plan to do something and then make deliberate choices to follow through from start to finish. Organise the necessary things required, make the arrangements and decisions which you have control of and enjoy the ride. Seeing progress gives you important self-reinforcement.
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Shopping spree!! Why not?? And not groceries but how about some new clothes, jewellery or something more personal to yourself. Although this is more temporary in nature it can lift you for a short time and can be used as a “steppingstone” to something more exciting
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It’s fair to say that for some women it can take a few months or even years to build up the courage to make that initial inquiry but once they do, they never look back. The feedback I have from such shoots is overwhelmingly positive and the inevitable release of pure emotion just heart warming 😊
Just Do It!!
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